FOR THE LADIES!!!!!!!!

One For The Ladies!
(Some of these are pretty darn funny!!!!!!)

One day, my housework-challenged husband decided to
wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the
laundry room, he shouted, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma!"

They say blondes are dumb!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm going to make
you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you . . ."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said , as he
stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

She replied, "Probably that I married you for your money."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Husband: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"

Wife: "That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good-looking, sensitive
man?

A: A rumor.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A man and his wife, now 60, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy
came to them and said that because they had been so good,
each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband. Whoosh! Immediately, she had airline/cruise
tickets in her hands.

The husband wished for a female companion, 30 years
younger than he. Whoosh! Immediately he turned 90!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*
A PRAYER:
Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man, Love to forgive
him, and Patience for his moods......

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping
for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill the males
after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants many women to satisfy his one need.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your
e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder, "Instruction Manuals".

Send this to 5 bright, funny women to make
their day! Also, send this to 5 men who
have enough sense of humor to take it!!!